Welcome back.  You are here for a reason, right? Maybe you've been feeling different on board lately. You've been talking about leaving ships, thinking about it. You might even be off contract right now, enjoying your vacation and noticing how good it feels to wake up on your own time. And then the thought comes in: do I actually want to go back?

And this is where that tug of war begins. One side of you says it's a good job, just one more contract. And the other side says, I'm tired, something doesn't feel right anymore. And you go back and forth for days, weeks, and even contracts. And every time you get close to making a decision, doubt steps in and nothing happens.

The truth is, uncertainty is the number one reason most crew delay this decision. So let's break it down, why this happens and what you can do about it, so you can finally feel good about where you're headed.

When I was still on board and thinking about leaving, I remember this mental tug of war. Not every day, but definitely every contract, because it was a few years before I left that this began. One part of me was dreaming about land life, sleeping in my own bed, seeing my family, having weekends off, doing my own things in my own house. I would even go ashore and see signs for places like Home Depot and think, oh, one day. And that would be such an exciting thought, versus heading to the same bar again, because slowly I was starting to sink into a new reality. I wanted to live on land.

But then another voice would creep in and say, but what if you can't find a job? What if you hate it on land? What if you leave and regret it? And not only was it exhausting, but honestly, I stayed longer than I should have because of those thoughts. I was just stuck in that tug of war.

And I'm sure many of you are waiting until you feel more certain before you decide to resign. Or you're thinking, well, if I can't see the full picture, it means I'm not ready. I should know exactly what my life will look like before I leave, so I can feel better about this decision. Yet this belief creates a loop. You want certainty first, but certainty only comes after you start taking action. And here lies the problem that so many crew find themselves in.

So I have two incredible steps that are actually going to help you feel certain, because they will become your anchors for taking action. So settle into this one. It's going to be a longer episode, but it's the one where everything clicks into place and you think, yes, that is exactly it.

Step One: Get Clear on Why You Want to Leave Ships, and Understand the Cost of Staying

Let me ask you a question: why do you want to leave ships? It might sound simple, but take your time with it. Because leaving ships isn't just about being tired, needing a break, having a bad contract, or working with micromanagers. It's about the bigger patterns and the parts of ship life that no longer work for who you are today. It's about the rules, the routines, the lifestyle, and the ways you've had to disconnect from real life just to keep functioning on board.

For many crew, the deeper reasons often include wanting more freedom, more connection to the outside world, more choice, and more space to simply be yourself. Because here's the truth: you didn't sign up for ships thinking you'd stay forever. And if something inside of you is asking, is it time to leave, this is your space to start listening.

Take a moment to explore what's really going on. Why is it that you want to leave ship life? This is such an important step, because when you fully connect to your why, not only do you feel lighter and more in control, but you can start making informed decisions. Once you're clear on why you want to leave, you can start thinking about when the right time to leave will be. You can start making a plan, building an exit strategy, and moving through that process with intention.

And there's nothing wrong with choosing to stay on board if it still makes sense for you, once you're clear on your why. Maybe you want to finish one more contract. Maybe you're saving money. Maybe you're not ready logistically or emotionally, and that's okay. But there's a big difference between consciously choosing to stay and accidentally drifting into another contract because you're avoiding making a real decision.

If you don't fully understand your why and anchor into it, you'll keep going through the motions, feeling more disconnected, more drained, and more doubtful every day.

Now, once you are clear on why you want to leave, you also need to understand the cost to you if you choose to stay. And I don't mean a financial cost. I mean a physical, mental, and emotional cost. Let me put it into perspective. Think of a previous relationship you may have had. Before it ended, there will have been moments when you realised this isn't actually working. And once you made that realisation but chose to stay anyway, because you were too afraid to leave or whatever the reason was, looking back you can see how drained you became. You weren't able to be yourself anymore. You weren't as happy. You did things you didn't want to do because you had lost that connection to yourself. That is the cost of staying in something you know no longer fits.

So once you know why you want to leave ships, you can look at the flip side. If you do choose to stay while you plan your exit strategy, at least you can be aware of what that means for you.

For example, if your why is about work fulfillment, and you no longer feel proud of your role but you stay on board anyway, the cost is this: you'll feel like your skills are being wasted. You'll put in effort not because you don't care, but because you're disconnected. You'll start to question your own value. Your confidence will slowly drop, and that will carry over into your next role, even on land. Over time, you might even forget what it feels like to do work that energises you.

Or if your why is about connection, and you're staying on board even though you deeply miss your family, your friendships, or building a life on land, the cost is this: you'll feel more emotionally distant, even when you talk to loved ones. You might start feeling isolated even in crowds. Birthdays, weddings, and everyday moments will keep slipping by. And when you're home, you might struggle to fully reconnect, as though you're living in two worlds that don't quite fit together.

Understanding the cost of your why is powerful, because either you'll recognise these as symptoms you're already experiencing and suddenly things start to make sense, or when you do go back on board for another contract, and these feelings come up, you'll know what they are. They're just the symptoms of your why. And that awareness alone gives you so much more clarity and control.

Step Two: Discover Your Land Life Values

Once you understand why ship life no longer fits, the next question becomes: what kind of life would actually feel good now? You've identified why you don't want to be on ships anymore, but what do you actually want instead? And this is where many crew feel stuck. They don't know what they want. They just know they want something different.

This is where values come in, and this right here is one of the biggest pieces that makes the transition from ship life to land life so much more difficult when it's missing. I've spoken to many former ship crew who say, I realised this too late, or it took me six months to figure this out, or two years.

Values are the things that matter most to you. They're not about what looks good on paper. They're about what feels true in your life. They guide your decisions, help you set boundaries, remind you of what's worth saying yes to, and tell you when it's time to walk away. Your values aren't goals or personality traits. They are your internal compass. When you follow them, you feel more aligned, more grounded, and more yourself.

You've probably heard of career values, personal values, and core values. At the end of the day, all values are the same, just applied to different areas of life. And core values are powerful because they shape how you live and how you work. They give your life structure, not through rules, but through meaning. And that right there is the key difference. Because your life on board has been structured through rules, as that's just ship life, not through meaning. And this is where the disconnect comes from.

When you are clear on your values, you make decisions with less stress and more confidence. You understand yourself better. You stop comparing yourself to others. You build relationships and routines that actually support your wellbeing. And you bounce back faster when things get hard, because you know what really matters. Your values give your life direction and depth.

Some examples of values that many crew start to discover when thinking about land life are: freedom, connection, security, growth, belonging, family, health, purpose, stability, creativity, and community. These are just examples. If you Google "top 50 core values" you'll find a much longer list. You don't need all of them. Most people identify around ten core values that mean the most to them, and you'll find yourself really living from the top five. Because when you know which ones are most important, your land life isn't built around someone else's version of success. It's built around yours.

And it's easy to not know this yet. It's so easy to feel lost and unsure of where to go, because ship life has never given you the space to think about it. Your time, your priorities, even your identity have all been shaped by the role you play on board. But land life is different. There's no daily planner handed to you. There's no uniform. There's no next contract. Your life is yours to shape.

When you know your values, you start designing a life that feels like home, because it is your home. You're not just hoping that life on land will work out. You're actually designing it. You're imagining a version of life where you're not just off ships, you are on solid ground, with the people you care about, doing work that fits, and living in a way that feels like you.

Let's look at a couple of examples of how this plays out.

Say one of your core values is geographical freedom. On ships, you had the ability to travel without thinking about flights, accommodation, or logistics. That's one of the beauties of the job. But when you come to land, you don't want that value to disappear, because you still crave movement and flexibility. So what could that look like on land? It might mean choosing a job that allows remote work so you can live in different cities or travel more freely. Maybe it's taking a seasonal role somewhere, like working at a mountain resort in winter and a beach resort in summer. When you know this about yourself, you stop applying for jobs that lock you into one office or one place for years, because that would feel suffocating. Instead, you choose opportunities that keep that sense of freedom alive.

Or let's say connection is one of your core values. On ships, you're surrounded by people every day, crew, guests, and teammates. When you move to land, if connection is one of your top values, you need to intentionally design it into your life. That might look like joining a local sports club, volunteering, or finding a workplace with a strong team culture. It might even mean choosing to live in a city where you have family or a community you can plug into. If you don't know this about yourself, you might end up taking a remote job, working alone from home, and feeling lonely without understanding why. But when you understand your value of connection, you build a land life that includes real human interaction, because that's what makes you feel fulfilled.

So here is the point. Knowing your values isn't just a feel-good exercise. It's a strategy. When you understand what matters most to you, you live with intention, as your true self. And unfortunately, ship life doesn't always allow for that, which is where the disconnect happens. That's where the tug of war, the uncertainty, and the feeling of not knowing come from. And if you've already left ships and you're still feeling like you don't quite fit, it's likely because you haven't yet got clear on your land life values, what is most important and most meaningful to you.

Because when you do get clear on why you want to leave ships, understand the cost of staying, and discover your land life values, the tug of war lessens. The mental exhaustion eases. The doubt quietens. And you start to anchor into your why and your values whenever uncertainty rises, because you are anchoring into your truth, into your internal compass.

If you'd like to discover your land life values and get deeper clarity on why you want to leave ships, I have a free guide you can download. Go to www.yourlandlife.com and click on the Start Here page. This page has four free steps to help all ship crew get prepared to leave ship life successfully and step into their land life.

Step two is your Ship to Shore Starter Kit, and that kit is exactly this: getting to know your why and connecting to your land life values. It includes a few exercises you can do right in your cabin, on a port day, at home on vacation, or even if you've already left ship life. Personal discovery is always worthwhile, no matter where you are in the process.

So go to www.yourlandlife.com, click on Start Here, download the Ship to Shore Starter Kit, and start getting clearer on your why and your values. You'll start to feel so good about who you are and where you are, because you finally get to understand what's really going on for you. Get clear, and that, my friend, is a beautiful place to be. See you on the next one.